i think something’s in the air…



January 2, 2011

so i wrote my resolutions for 2010 in this little blog last year. i get a kick out of the fact that my #1 from last year is also my #1 for this year. HA. anyhow, here is the OG post, and below is the list, updated with things that i did.

1. Stop swearing so much.

2. Work on my posture.

3. Work on my fitness.

4. Start listening to my gut instinct.

5. Make good choices.

6. Stop hating everything all the time.

7. Get into grad school. [Editor’s Note: this is part way crossed-out because while i did not like, start my masters, i did start an ISD program at UMBC and then just last month i got my certificate in E-Learning and Instructional Design. so that’s nice.]

8. Find a job I don’t hate. [Editor’s Note: again halfway because i like the work i’m doing now much better, but i’m still at the same place doing the same job, so technically, nothing’s changed.]

9. Move out.

10. Find a city, find myself a city to live in.

11. Wear more interesting clothes.

12. Stop eating so much cheese.

13. Learn to like tea.

14. Get it together.

15. Cut back on the crying 50% from this year.

16. Stop thinking so much about my old life and focus on my new life. Even if it kills me.

17. Take Otis to the vet and get his nails cut.

18. Use eye cream every night.

19. Smile more.

20. Write more.

21. Read more.

22. Listen more.

23. Cook more.

24. Pay off credit card #2.

25. Go on a vacation. By myself. To somewhere not in the United States. [Editor’s Note: i’m going on vacation on feburary 21. to the virgin islands. with 20 other friends.]


remarkably, most of the things i had on my list last year are the things i was going to put on my list this year. so i guess that means i’m consistent, right? so, in addition to that little list up there, i’d like to add the following:

  • be patient
  • figuring out what i do want, since i am 100% on what i do not want
  • make this year memorable as EFF
  • move back to Chicago

welp, that covers it. let’s do some stuff, 2011.

Today it is 2011.

January 2, 2011

i don’t post here ever–even though every time i do post, i say it will be the beginning of a new streak of consistent posting. but since my last post in november and now, i figure that it’s been long enough to write something and also, because it’s january 2, 2011, which means that the timing is totally right for a retrospective or a hopeful little something  about the future and stuff. so anyhow.

i guess, first i’ll start with my 2010 summary: started kinda crappy, segued into slightly less crappy, but still pretty annoying and lame, then it sort of pushed forward a bit more deliberately and coasted quite pleasantly for a bit and then ended pretty fucking merrily. so that’s rad. job’s great, family’s great, friends are great, i’m great. just everything is great. great great great. though i try not to pay too much attention to my inner monologue, the nostalgic gaze back on the year and how very different 12/31/2009 and 12/31/2010 were is daunting… just very different nights and thoughts and people and places and everything. so the great great great way the year ended is good. and it’s neat to see a positive change over a year’s time.

so now it’s the second day of 2011 and i’m kinda meh. it’s probably a combination of the PMS, the post-drinking blues, and the fact that i’m slightly disatisfied, but i’m feeling a little more pensive today. this year is going to bring a lot of changes–changes that i already know about and the changes that will inevitably pop up along the way, unplanned and surprising.

and given the changes that i know are going to occur, i feel like i really just need to get out of here and like, make some grandiose plan or goal to work towards. and where does my head (and heart, to an extent) go straight to when i get the restless-i-gotta-leave-now feeling? chicago. obviously.

i spent my day looking through Flickr images of chicago and then i started to watch  I Am Trying to Break Your Heart and then i started looking at job listings and apartment listings in chicago. i finally had to cut myself off. i haven’t been restless like this for chicago in ages, so it’s unsettling. i’m now wondering if that should be the goal: Move back to Chicago by December 31, 2012.

the thought of moving back both terrifies and exhilarates me. it makes my heart swell with a few different feelings. but i think the reality is that it could truly be coming up on the right time to try again out there.

bah. something to meditate on.

Zola Jesus

November 29, 2010

this song is beautiful. it’s in my ipod playlist that i’ve cleverly titled, “Songs That Take My Breath Away.” it really does. it makes me short of breath and makes me chest feel tight and like my heart is swelling to almost unmanageable proportions. it’s the reason i listen to music, to be frank. because music is the only thing that has ever made me feel like that in my 28 years (well, sort of, but that’s neither here nor there).

anyhow, this girl reminds me of what Ian Curtis would sound like if he was a young, beautiful girl who was still alive and singing moody indie rock.

besides this gal having a lovely name, she also has a lovely voice and a lovely song. this song resonates for the simple reason that i often find myself alternating between utter and complete indifference and a yearning desire to be a bit more delicate. as i get older though, the desire for delicacy seems to be peeking it’s head through more and more.

or maybe it doesn’t.

do i want to be delicate?


Mogwai just announced plans for a new album, out in early 2011. they also announced some US tour dates for the spring.

see for yourself.

and now, the only thing i care about listening to is this. all day. sheer bliss.

It’s Almost Halloween

October 26, 2010

i used to hate Halloween. i hated the dressing up, the tendency towards sluttishness in female costume, and just hated the whole spectacle. then last year, i was overcome with the urge to participate. and i did. i was freddie krueger and had a fantastically awesome time dashing around, flashing my claw hand and cocking my fedora with gusto.

and this year, i am dressing up as the man that started it all for me: Slash (my poor parents should’ve seen the writing on the wall, when a 7 year old version of me decided that Slash was both my idol and the man i was in love with). anyhow. i am SO PUMPED.

in honor of this most amazing man and his most amazing guitar solos, let’s all take a minute and allow the perfection that is “November Rain” soak in…



On Random Realizations

September 29, 2010

i was driving to work today, after getting hollered at by a construction worked with gold teeth on Light Street, (literally. i was stopped at a light with my window rolled down and next thing i know, he’s at my car, all ‘Hey girl! You’re making my morning great! Blah blah inappropriate unintelligent gold teeth blah.’) and i realized some stuff. stuff that–although present in my mind for some time now, i hadn’t really looked at in the way i was looking at it today. about relationships and boys and girls and successes and failures and achievements and goals and pasts and futures.

and everyone says that something “Hits you like a ton of bricks” in references to epiphanies, but this didn’t. rather, it settled in quietly, somewhat pensively. but not really. more apathetic than pensive. pensively apathetic? apathetically pensive? anyhow, it settled. no hitting like bricks, no smacking upside the head. nothing was big or noisy or sudden or mind-blowing. but it happened and it was there and it was present and it settled in and grabbed hold and i think that’s that. i think it’ll stick with me for a while. maybe forever. who knows?

it was surprising that something so relatively life-changing–or at least state-of-mind changing–could happen silently, calmly, and without production. usually that’s not how they happen.

now, here’s a song:

Welp. Here We Are Again.

September 28, 2010

i think i’m going to start writing things here again. i’d like to think my posts will be interesting things about art and music and maybe some cool thoughts that i have, but most likely i’m just going to write weird things about my cat and post songs that were popular several years ago that i am only now discovering.

oh well. can’t win ’em all.